She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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