it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
