never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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