def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
