How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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