dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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