Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
