She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
