Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
