the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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