I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
