Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
