I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
