Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
