Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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