maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
