a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
