Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize