Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
