Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
