well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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