I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We need a shit load of segways right now
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
