I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I love having hate sex.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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