the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
