Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize