Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
