we have pet lesbian snakes
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
