found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
