Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
