i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
