it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
