You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
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