I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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