what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
