i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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