Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
