In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
