is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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