who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
