In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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