So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
