I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
