don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
