she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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