The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
