just tell him i said nine months
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
