Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
