I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
