Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
