i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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