Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think I won the penis lottery.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
