Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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