your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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