i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
