Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so let's talk penis.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
