I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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