More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize