sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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