I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
