guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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