You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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