I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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