Your dad touched me again.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
