Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
