Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
