also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
